I have decided that I want to share my writing with the world. I no longer wish to remain in darkness. Diamonds are meant to be seen in the sun. So I am stepping out into the light; starting with this short story that is a personal favorite.
You may either click the link and read it in another tab or read it below on this page. Enjoy and feel free to comment. I love feedback of any kind! (Note: I believe you need a gmail account to comment on this google based blog site.)
Wind in the Wheat Field
Word count: 4337
12 Pages
Wind in the Wheat Field
I can see which of them have given up‒it starts in their eyes. The signs aren't that hard to spot. They sit on the floor staring at nothing, thinking nothing, doing nothing. They don’t jump at loud noises and hardly speak at all. There are seventeen of us left, though sometimes it feels like it’s just Ariel and me. We started with twenty-five, but eight of them didn't come back and I don’t think they ever will. Experiment 323. That’s my name‒E323. Well, the name they gave me anyway. I am one of the few that still fights. Hope gives me strength. Strength to endure whatever they do to me.
And it is dying.
The lights grow brighter and I feel someone move next to me and realize it’s over. I can feel E316 and E307 trembling, and know I must be too. When he scientist opens the door, only two of us stagger out. I look back and realize E316 wasn't trembling, she was twitching. The scientist leaves her corpse in the Bubble and closes the door. I don’t know if it’s the same guy who collected us from our cell. They all look the same to me; monsters in white coats scribbling furiously on their clipboards. The other scientists finish their scribbles and one leads us back to our cell where Ariel is waiting for me.
E318, as she is referred to by the lab coats, has been my best friend since we were kids. Ariel. I think her name to myself, her real name. Nadia. I think my name and feel a tiny bit of strength come back to me. That’s the key. To not lose hope, I mean. Forgetting your name means you've given up. That’s why I think it every time I get in and out of the Bubble. I shared my secret with Ariel and tried to get the others to share their names. Only Ariel listened. “Why does it matter who we were before?” The other girls had said with tears in their eyes. “We are nothing but lab rats now.”
Clang. The door squeaks open and I stumble inside. Clang. It closes as I drop down next to my best friend on the hard cave floor. She squeezes my hand and holds me while I try to erase the vicious memories out of my mind.
She breaks through my thoughts with her whispered words. “Are you OK? Oh, Nadia, we can’t just sit here and wait for death to free us. The hallucinations are getting worse. My last session was more real and closer to home. What are we going to do, Nadia? There must be some other way to escape!”
“You remember what happened the last time we tried. We can’t, we are not strong enough.” I respond and shudder.
She pauses before answering. “We still have our identities, Nadia. Our names give us strength. You told me that the moment they tried to take that away from us. They are getting cocky. Maybe we could wait until they slip up or make a mistake then sneak out somehow. Maybe we could…”
“Forget it, Ariel, we are never leaving!” I wrench my hand from hers. Her eyes flash with pain at my cutting words and I immediately regret them. Who am I to crush her hope? Hope had once been a bonfire inside me; now it was just barely alive. What had happened?
“I am sorry, Ariel, this last one was…different and quite a bit worse.” She nods but doesn't respond so I continue. “I saw my family. Sitting around the dinner table talking. My dad wanted to know what makes us who we are. Is it our family? our past? our names? He said it was our choices that make us who we are. How we choose to act that determines who we will become. He looked straight at me, Ariel. He looked me in the eye and told me my name meant nothing; that because I had no choice I was nothing. We have no choice here, Ariel. No way to show who we are. What point is there in living?” The tears roll down my cheeks and splatter on the last embers of my hope.
In my broken state I barely notice her take my hand again. She takes a deep breath and asks, “Do you remember when you told me the story behind your name?” I manage a nod though my whole body shakes. “You said your mother and father wanted to give you, their unborn child, and their other children a brighter future than Russia could provide at the time. So they immigrated to America. You were born a couple months later and they named you Nadia, meaning hope. Your name, Nadia, was a symbol to them. This creature that you saw in your hallucination was not your father! He would never want you to give up...but that is something you have to choose to do, Nadia. That is your choice.”
Her eyes shine with a passion as bright as the sun and I feel the fire inside me rekindle.
We fall asleep holding hands, dreaming of a world where the wind gently carried us far away from this dark world of pain to a world of love and light.
Only a couple hours later a white demon comes back to fetch the latest victims. The door clangs when he slides the lock and deadbolt from its resting place. It squeals with protest as it opens. Sometimes I like to imagine it trying to protect us by preventing them from getting in. But I know it failed again because I hear the voice call out the names.
“E308, E315, and E318.” The toneless voice turns around and walks out without waiting for the three to follow him. My friend squeezes my hand and walks out with her head held high. The door closes with a bang and then the silence suffocates me. It doesn't take long for the emptiness to creep up my body when I realize they haven’t come back. I wish I could have known it would be the last time I would see them‒see my best friend. There are so many things I wanted to say to her that I hadn't the night before. I feel them begin to rot inside me like a piece of fruit left in the sun.
Alone! I’m alone now. My breathing turns ragged and my body starts shaking. How could she do this to me?! I had given up. Let myself sink into blissful numbness and she pulled me out just so she could die? The pain and anger threatens to snuff out my small flame. An image flashes through my mind. I remember the bright passion in her eyes and make a decision. I won’t give up. I will have hope! Closing my eyes I let the strength of our names wash over me. Ariel. Nadia. Ariel! Nadia! I chant these names to myself and the cold creeps back into the dark hole. After a few minutes my mind numbs to the pain and fear. I lay down and curl up into a ball. My last thought before I slip into unconsciousness pains me more than I thought it would. 13 of us left.
The clang wakes me and I sit up sharply, my body aching from sleeping on the hard rock. I wait for the voice to tell me who will be next to suffer or die. My mind doesn't comprehend what he says, but I know it wasn't my name so I wait for breakfast to arrive; a bland, gray blob that looks and tastes like mushy cardboard. I eat mechanically and then fall back asleep.
My dreams become a haven from the blackness. A place where I can be with Ariel in her favorite place. She loved nature. We would always go for hikes and find remote places of beauty. She knew almost everything about forests: which plants and roots were edible, how to find water, what the plants and animals names were. She constantly questioned me about it until I knew just as much as she did.
In my dream I’m standing on the edge of a crystal clear lake. The sun shines on me, warming me from the inside out. The trees sway in the breeze. I hear Ariel laugh and I glimpse her golden hair just before she hits the water. She calls for me to join her, but for some reason, I can’t move my legs. Panic sets in as I frantically try to run, crawl, wriggle, anything to know she is real. I call her name and she turns reaching for me. Her shining face is the last thing I see before the clang pulls me away from the light and back into the dark reality.
“E312, E309, and E323.” The cold creeps back up and wraps around my legs. I stand with the other two and follow them reaching for the strength my hope gives me. The bang echoes in my mind. Walking through the white hallway I shudder at what unknown horrors await me. Stepping into the Bubble, we wait. Unwelcome memories of Ariel surface before I can stop them. Times when we watched the fireworks light up the sky or when we went swimming with the sun on our faces burning our delicate skin.
I also remember the night we were taken.
Ariel and I had been walking home from the ice cream parlor licking our sticky fingers. We had gone on a hike and had returned a little early for a sweet treat before heading home. The sounds of early summer all around us: chirping, cheeping, laughing, and squealing. We were busy chatting about boys and school and had lost track of the time. Thirty minutes past curfew our moms were gonna kill us! We walked a little faster. A block from our neighborhood two figures materialized out of the shadows and pressed cloths to our mouths. We never saw it coming.
We woke up in a cell with twenty three other women. All of us were dressed in the same white uniform; a plain white tank top and small white shorts. Everyone looked confused and scared‒many were crying. We all huddled together trying to make sense of the situation. A few older girls took charge telling the younger ones not to worry. The police would be looking for us and...clang! A man in a white lab coat, thick white boots halfway up his legs, and a clipboard entered through the squeaky door and told us we were part of a beautiful future.
“You should be honored we chose you to test our product. You are doing your country a great service. We live in a world where the balance of nature is threatened. We must be able to protect ourselves and maintain survival of the fittest.” His voice dull and lifeless echoed in the small cave. We all shuddered, but remained quiet. He told us that we were to forget our old names. He pointed at each of us and gave us a new one. Then he read three from his clipboard and told them to follow him. They did so quietly, probably hoping that if they went willingly they would let them go.
We never saw them again.
A part of me still hopes they made it out; maybe they were released! The other bigger part knows they were the first of our group to die.
When it was my turn to go, I trembled all the way. I recognized the other two girls as Hispanic. They led the three of us clinging to each other down a white hallway to a white room. Everything but the cell they kept us in was white here. In the middle of the room was a large dome. It had one door and a series of plastic tubes on the floor leading into it. The man pointed at the open door and told us to go in. We stepped into a pool of unnatural light red water. He closed the door with barely a sound. I tried not to panic, telling myself to breathe slowly.
We stood in the red tinted water for about fifteen minutes when everything changed. They dim the lights once the drug soaks into the skin and the hallucinations begin. There was always one that preceded the others though. The one constant in the fear of the unknown. The dome would melt away into a bubble and then gently float into the night sky. That’s why I nicknamed it the Bubble. After a second or two the Bubble would pop and then the real nightmares would begin. Scarlet ants crawling up your body and into your open mouth and eyes. Red fire engulfing you, searing your flesh. Rats with crimson eyes gnawing on your limbs. People from your hometown wearing red shirts and chasing you down with butcher knives. Each time it was something worse and progressively harder to tell if it was a hallucination. After the first time we all fought going back, but it was fruitless. They dragged us in and made the ‘session’ last twice as long. So we gave up and vainly hoped we would never go back.
Fortunately, we only had to go once every solution. When they developed a new ‘improved’ one, you went back. Unfortunately, ‘improved’ meant that the hallucinations were worse than the previous. They were more real and lasted longer drawing on your mind for inspiration, but there was always the constant of the bubble. Once someone dies they ‘fix’ the solution and try again. Each time ‘improving’ the effect and eliminating ‘undesired’ side effects.
I’m brought back to the present when the lights dim. Nadia. I can’t see the other girls anymore, but I can hear their ragged breathing. I take one more breath then the nightmares begin. Only, this time there isn't a bubble; I’m still in darkness. Maybe they found a way to get rid of it. How will we know when they begin and end? My throat constricts with the revelation that this solution doesn't distinguish between reality and the drug-induced hallucinations.
At least you knew when you entered a different reality and when you were free. I think, my eyes darting back and forth trying to find something I can use to anchor my sanity. I shift my weight and realize that I am still standing in the frigid water. What?
After a moment the other two start screaming and sobbing and I realize...I’m not. Seconds later I realize something. I’m immune...I’m immune! Sheer joy courses through me and a single sob escapes my lips as I realize there won’t be any nightmares. Not this time. After another second something in the back of my mind whispers. Fake it. I follow this beautiful voice as I would have followed Ariel. I imitate the other girls as best I can; screaming, begging some unknown person not to do it, and asking them why they are hurting me.
The lights return after what feels like a couple hours and we are led back to the cell. I try my best to act like the other two. This is the worst yet. I can see the others are jumpy and terrified, like when we had gone in for the first time. They shy away from the rest of us and seek refuge in the corners of our dark cave with silent rivers flowing down their cheeks. The door bangs shut and I am left alone to soak in what has happened. I am immune to this solution. I remember the last night with Ariel. She had talked about escape. I can use this to escape... A small thrill shoots through my body at the word. I let my mind whisper it again. Escape.
See, the red water isn't just in the dome. A couple of us tried to escape once after the first three didn't return. The older girls who had taken charge organized an escape plan. Eight of us total decided to make a run for it. We knew from our trip to the Bubble that their were four doors in the long white hallway. One was to our cell and one led to the Bubble. We guessed one was a kind of break room because one of us saw a scientist walk in with lunch and a magazine. The fourth and last door must be the exit. So the next time the scientist opened the door to collect the next three experiments we ran.
He didn't even try to stop us. Ariel, E302, and myself were a little slower than the others. They reached the door and rushed through it. When we reached the door a couple of seconds later we saw the blood tinted water. The 2 in front died instantly when they were accidentally hit by the three behind them trying to stop. Those three lapsed into violent hallucinations. The deep red water blocking the exit must have a high concentrated form of the drug. Ariel, E302, and I huddled at the door blankly staring at the twitching dead and tormented girls until the man came to get us. That was how the next five died.
Over the next few days I plot my escape with care. I can’t afford to waste it, but I must act before they alter the drug. I don’t want to take the chance that I won’t be immune to future ones. 3 days after my discovery I execute my plan. I inch my way to the door, and crouch on all fours, so when it swings open I will be hidden behind it. The monster enters and I make my way silently behind him while he reads the names. I bolt for the lobby before he has a chance to see me. Men in white coats glance up at me, but do nothing. They think I will die from the drugged water. Their arrogance and pride is about to shatter when they realize their mistake. I know surprise is my biggest advantage and plan to use it as long as possible.
My feet hit the crimson icy water and instantly go numb. Panic hits as I try to lift my feet out and forward. What if I’m wrong? What if I die here in this place like the other 300 women? Hope swells within me. I’m still alive which means it worked. I let a small squeal of joy escape as I splash the walls with blood and burst through the doors. I’m in a clean bright room with furniture and a front desk. 3 doors; one on either side and a double door directly in front of me. There is a man frozen mid-step near the front desk with his mouth wide open. Surprise! I shove him into the desk with my shoulder and hear his head slam against it. I grin hoping I did some damage. His body slumps to the ground as I pick the double doors as my best chance for escape. I emerge into blinding light squinting. A small parking lot lies in front of me. No one is around so I quickly plan my next move. They will soon notice I’m not dead and pursue me.
All around me is forest. There is a paved road leading from the parking lot into the trees that points me in the direction of civilization. I run. I don’t hear the shouts of surprise and confusion behind me. I don’t think about my feet painfully pounding on the hard ground. My body fueled by adrenaline and used to running and hiking with Ariel carries me far away. I reach the forest and the soft springy ground pushes me forward. I keep running. Or am I flying? I run while the white monsters search and shout. I run while the light still creeps in the sky. I run until I can’t run any more. I run even after my wings grow tired.
I collapse in a heap gulping and trying to catch my breath when my legs can’t hold my weight anymore. My feet pulse with pain, but I can’t stop till I know they won’t find me. I allow my legs to rest for a few minutes. Then I stumble to my feet and jog for another couple of hours moving through the trees and underbrush. A cool clear stream crosses my path and continues flowing in the direction I need to go. I drop to my knees and gulp down the beautiful colorless liquid. Rising, I breathe in and step into it. I'm immune... I continue jogging in the gentle moving stream just in case they have dogs to track me.
If I hear a noise that doesn't fit in with the forest, I bolt for cover. A couple hours after I found the river I hear the thumping rhythms of a helicopter. I dive under some thick brush scratching my skin, but hiding my body. They circle around me twice before heading off in another direction. When the only loud thumping I can hear is my own heart, I crawl back out. I run with the river as my constant companion barely sleeping and taking only short breaks. Each time the sun sets and rises the fear squeezing my heart lessens.
I don’t so much as glimpse another soul. When the sun rises for the second time after my shocking escape, I find purple plump berries that stain my fingers and explode with sweet flavor in my mouth. Even the roots from the damp ground taste wonderful. At night I revel in the sound of the forest: owls hooting, snakes slithering, wolves howling, crickets chirping. Oh, how I had missed the forest! I fall asleep in a pile of soft spongy leaves, carefully hidden under a bush, and let the wondrous noise envelop me in its peaceful arms.
On the third day I eat some berries and then let my pace slow to a jog. I no longer fear the danger of re-capture is imminent, but I don’t stay in a place for too long. I allow myself to enjoy the daytime scenery as well. The sun rays peek through the leaves and dance across my face. The day is even more noisy than the night. Such a display of colors too! Trees in every shade of green with wispy vines growing on their trunks. Emerald bushes and sapphire flowers sprout in between the trunks wherever they can find a sliver of sun. There seems to be no empty space, no moment of silence. My eyes and ears drink in the sights and sounds. I love it.
The fourth day is like the rest, but just as unique. Nothing escapes my hungry gaze. Fuzzy caterpillars slowly devour leaves. Shimmery metallic beetles fight for territory. Cautious deer delicately wander around me. A female moose and her baby munch on vegetation in the shade. Furry mice scurry around me as they search for delicious tidbits. Gray furry rabbits nibble on purple flowers, and so much more. Every time something new crosses my path I burn it into my memory.
That night, under the protective trees, I dream of Ariel. I dream we had escaped together and walked through the trees, talking about everything and nothing. Her voice as soft as a breeze and as gentle as a stream whispers my name. "Nadia." I wake with a pang of longing. As I fight back tears I realize I’m troubled and feel guilty. How can I feel happy when she is gone?
I rise before the sun and walk in the stream trying to rid my mind of the burden of thinking. While I notice things around me, I don’t take as much pleasure in them as before. I push a fern aside and stop suddenly.
A clearing with a golden wheat field opens up before me. A farm house is on the top of a hill allowing it to look down at the precious grass. There is also a barn which, gratefully, is a faded brown. I can hear the mooing cows and clucking chickens in the distance though I can’t see them.
Safe. Free. I did it, I escaped.
I let myself cry for the first time since Ariel's death. I can’t control it. My sobs crash over my body. I collapse to the warm ground and cry until the tears dry.
“Nadia.” A familiar voice whispers my name and I look up, startled and hiccup. I catch a glimpse of a bright silhouette standing in the wheat field. I stumble to my feet.
“Who...Who’s there?” No one answers. I bite my lower lip. After a brief pause I whisper her name even though I know it to be impossible. “Ariel?”
The soft wind stirs and caresses my black hair and ruffles my dirty white tank top. The crisp golden wheat around me bends and flows to the rhythm of my heart. I hadn't realized how much I had missed the wind until the warm breeze swirled around me. Ariel had loved the wind, too. I somehow know deep inside that it was Ariel who had helped me escape. Ariel who had kept me going. Ariel who had guided me here. An overwhelming sense of peace heals my troubled and guilty heart. I turn my face up to the rising sun and the light brings out the gold flecks in my chocolate brown eyes. I breathe in deeply letting the smell of fresh dirt and ripe grain sink deep into my lungs. I let the smell erase my sorrow and pain before I exhale. A path forms ahead in the bending grass. I look at it and see my future. It beckons me with all the love of a best friend. Taking another breath I let the wind guide me toward the bright unknown.
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